Pilot Episode

In this episode, our very first, Vimla coaches Lisa. The topic of the session begins as a desire to SLOW DOWN, turns toward BEING with self and looks at the roadblock of FEAR. 

#innercritic #roadblock #being #notdoing #slowingdown #burnout

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Transcript

Lisa | 00:01

Hi, I'm Lisa.

Vimla | 00:03

Hi, I'm Vimla,

Lisa | 00:04

And we are professional life coaches. We're also former colleagues, and we're currently collaborating on a new podcast called Coaching Confidential.

Vimla | 00:14

In this podcast, we will be coaching each other and then sharing small bites of behind the scenes of coaching, the impact of coaching on the clients, and reflections from the coach.

Lisa | 00:25

So, Vimla, before we get into the coaching, maybe let's share what got us into coaching. Would you start?

Vimla | 00:32

Sure. Coaching is not my first profession, which is probably true for most coaches. So to give you a little bit of background, in my past life, I studied engineering and applied math, and then having kids was an inflection point in my life, and that's what pointed me the direction of coaching.

Lisa | 00:52

Wow. Mathematics to coaching. I'm sure there's more to that story. <laugh>. Maybe we'll cover that in a future episode. Anyway, I also came from somewhere else before coaching, and I did a lot of different things, but essentially I've spent a good chunk of my career in the recruiting space and loved the work, but the negotiation that needs to happen in the corporate world just wasn't fulfilling for me. So I wanted to remove that piece from what I did and keep everything else, and that's what led me to coaching.

Vimla | 01:32

Wow. Fascinating. Maybe more in a later episode. So changing gears. Lisa, why are we doing this podcast, and who is it for?

Lisa | 01:43

Yeah, so I think we're doing this because we love coaching <laugh> to start, um, but we also love talking about coaching pretty much to anybody who will listen <laugh>. And we hope to help people understand a little bit more about what coaching is or what coaching could be, either as a client or as a coach. So this podcast could be for folks who are curious about getting a coach and being coached. This podcast could also be for folks who might be interested in becoming a coach, or maybe you just happened on this podcast and you're just curious.

Vimla | 02:29

So we hope that everyone will listen to the end where we get to the heart of the matter. It's about 30 minutes long, and at the end we have a request for our premier listeners,

Lisa | 02:40

As they say in the business. This is our pilot episode, meaning it's our very first podcast ever. You maybe you can tell, I don't know, <laugh>, but in this first episode, Vimla coaches me on the topic of slowing down. Yes, slowing down. At least that's where we begin. Um, but we wind through a number of topics including being present with one's self, and eventually we cover fear.

Vimla | 03:17

We invite you to be aware of what's happening in your hearts and minds as you listen to this episode. Lisa, do I have permission to coach you?

Lisa | 03:27

You sure do. Vimla. So everybody, strap ourselves in and here we go.

Vimla | 03:33

Hi, Lisa.

Lisa | 03:35

Hi, Vimla.

Vimla | 03:36

Do you have a topic for our coaching session?

Lisa | 03:39

I do.

Vimla | 03:42

Awesome. So what's that topic for today,

Lisa | 03:46

<laugh>? I I don't want you to feel like you have to drag this stuff out of me. Right. Um, so yeah, the topic is about really taking some time and slowing down.

Vimla | 04:01

Hmm. Slowing down. What does slowing down mean to you?

Lisa | 04:09

Yeah, thanks for asking because it means different things at different times, but I definitely have held an intention for what it means to me at the front part of this year, 2021. And that is to really, well, first it means to stop what I had been doing for, for my day to day. Right. Stop the work that I had been doing, the way I had been doing it, the amount that I had been doing it, and just put it down. And the thing is, I picked up a lot, I've picked up a lot of other things, and I'm doing all sorts of things with them. So I'm not really slowing down. I've just put down what I had been doing and picked up new things.

Vimla | 05:16

<laugh>. Yeah.

Lisa | 05:17

And, and so I, I'm outing myself like right now in this moment. And I, I definitely realized this late last week. And so I, I really wanna come back to slowing down, which can look many different ways, but what that means to me now is doing less. And I don't mean this to sound buzzwordy, but just like being more present.

Vimla | 05:55

So would you, you say that, um, the topic is presence?

Lisa | 06:07

Sort of? Yeah. Sort of. Let me just think about that for a second. Yeah. Uh, presence with,

Vimla | 06:32

I love that presence with

Lisa | 06:35

<laugh>. Yeah. It's like presence, like, I don't know, I don't, I'm, I'm threading a, a pinhole here, but <laugh>, it's like presence with an emphasis on being not doing.

Vimla | 06:53

Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. All right. So if you were to think of presence with, and like, there's a blank there, what would you fill that blank with? So presence with what?

Lisa | 07:06

Hmm. The first word that came to mind, but it, it feels not quite right, is still is stillness.

Vimla | 07:23

Mm-hmm. <affirmative>.

Lisa | 07:25

Um, but it's not quite right because I feel like I don't, I don't need to be still. I need to, I need to, what do I need to do? I hate starting sentences like that.

Vimla | 07:46

Um, okay. Um, <laugh>, <laugh>. Lisa, let's pause for a moment. Yeah. <laugh>. Yep. Yeah, I'm trying to think of what you need to do.

Lisa | 07:54

Yeah. <laugh>. Yep. <laugh>. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah.

Vimla | 08:05

Who do you need to be?

Lisa | 08:11

I think what I want to focus on is being aware of what I, what I want or need in any given moment. Like, I think I just make plans to, to do things <laugh>, um, and, you know, fill up my time with all this doing. But it may not exactly like when planned in advance. Right. It may not be exactly what I need in the moment. Yeah. Um, it may not support how I want to be in that moment. It's just that's what I'm going to do.

Vimla | 08:59

<laugh>. Yeah. So Lisa, it sounds like, um, you wanna be aware of yourself.

Lisa | 09:09

Yes.

Vimla | 09:11

Okay. So if the topic were being aware of yourself mm-hmm. <affirmative>, where do you wanna take this topic? What's the outcome around this topic?

Lisa | 09:29

Being aware of myself. Um, all of the ones that are ringing through my head right now, I'm thinking, Nope, that's boring. Nope. Nope, I don't wanna do that.

Vimla | 09:45

Let's give it a try.

Lisa | 09:47

Yeah. So like,

Vimla | 09:52

With non-judgment,

Lisa | 09:58

I guess I just, I just want to like, leave this call feeling like in, in charge of the permission <laugh> to be with myself. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, like, I wanna feel like I'm likely to make that choice to be with myself and not let, and not in a position to, um, say I'm gonna do it.

Vimla | 10:38

Yeah.

Lisa | 10:39

And then go back into autopilot.

Vimla | 10:41

Yeah. Lisa, you used the word permission.

Lisa | 10:45

Mm-hmm. <affirmative>

Vimla | 10:46

Permission to be with yourself. Who's gonna give you the permission?

Lisa | 10:57

Well, ideally it's me. I can't imagine anybody else <laugh> who, who holds that, um, that power besides me.

Vimla | 11:08

Yeah, absolutely. So what's in the way of that permission?

Lisa | 11:18

I don't know. I suppose habit. Like habit and, um, maybe like fear.

Vimla | 11:28

Hmm.

Lisa | 11:31

Fear of missing out on something. Um, or fear of, um, I don't know, fear of what I might find maybe.

Vimla | 11:54

Yeah. I'm hearing fear. So for a moment, if you, if you were to look at just the fear and not the object of the fear, so for example, a couple of objects of fear you brought up were fear of missing out or fear of what you may find. So if we were to separate the two, like forget about the object, just focus on the fear just to look at fear, would that be okay?

Lisa | 12:39

Yeah. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I think <laugh>.

Vimla | 12:45

Um, so for a moment, let's imagine that, um, you've left this call, you have been with yourself, you have not done anything all day. Um, and then that fear shows up. Where would that show up in your body?

Lisa | 13:17

I don't know, maybe my feet getting up to do something.

Vimla | 13:20

<laugh>. I love that <laugh>.

Lisa | 13:24

And you know, just in the picture you just painted, like, it's, it's kind of funny. I feel like I've been with myself and only myself for an entire flipping year. Right. So I'm wondering if I'm, if I'm, if I'm hitting the nail on the head of what I'm really wanting here, I think, I think maybe <laugh>, I think maybe Vimla like getting clear on what it is that I want to shift to is the topic, right? Because I have this story that somehow I'm not using this time the way that I intended. Right. Whatever I said about it. Like, I'm, I'm not doing it. So what is it really? Because I have been being, I have had days where I've done nothing. Um, what is it really that I'm looking for?

Vimla | 14:38

Yes. What is it that you really want? Would it be okay if we shift gears and focus on this one of

Lisa | 14:49

You? Yeah. Yeah. I, yeah. Yep.

Vimla | 14:53

All right. So I have a question around what do you really want? So for a moment, imagine that this is 20, 22, a year has gone by. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, where do you see yourself?

Lisa | 15:18

My first answer was gonna be flip it and say, hopefully not in the same chair I've been sitting in for the last year. But, but that wouldn't be a terrible thing, right? It's, it's more about like,

Vimla | 15:31

Let, let's, let's start at that point, a new chair. You'd be sitting in a new chair. <laugh>,

Lisa | 15:41

Maybe. I mean, this chair is not a horrible place to be. It's, it's just, um, you know, I feel like I'm in this in between place. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> and I, I want to not be in an in between place a year from now. Right? Yes. Um, and so I guess there's something about being in this chair in an in between place that, that I don't, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm running low on pa patients for, and part of it, part of it has to do with things like being in pandemic world.

Vimla | 16:20

Yeah. Right. So for, for a moment, let's play alone. Let's imagine that it's been a year from now. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you have a new chair. We are not in the pandemic anymore.

Lisa | 16:30

Yep.

Vimla | 16:31

So what else is happening in that moment around you? Are there other people around you in other chairs?

Lisa | 16:39

Yeah, I, um, yeah, I, I hope that there's other people around me, like other collaborators and like my people coaches or, you know, whoever I happen to be working on some mission with. Right. Like whatever mission I've landed in.

Vimla | 17:04

Yes.

Lisa | 17:05

I hope it involves community because that's really important to me. Um,

Vimla | 17:10

So let's imagine you are there, you are in this new chair with new collaborators with your people in community mm-hmm. <affirmative>, what's the mission all of you are working on?

Lisa | 17:26

I don't know, but it definitely is something that we're passionate about. It's definitely something I'm passionate about. And it probably has to do with creating spaciousness in room for humanity and like all of a person. It's definitely like whatever it is that we're doing that I'm doing creates a huge exhale for a lot of people.

Vimla | 17:57

<laugh>. Mm. You wanna bring ease and flow and space Yeah. For yourself and for other people.

Lisa | 18:06

Yes.

Lisa | 18:11

<affirmative>.

Vimla | 18:12

So tell me what you think about this. Perhaps what you really want is ease, flow, and spaciousness.

Lisa | 18:31

Yeah. I do ease flow and spaciousness. And you wanna know something? I, I have, I have the container for it.

Vimla | 18:43

Mm. I love that

Lisa | 18:46

I have the container for it today, and I'm okay with it not looking like that vision that we just played with. Um, I trust that it will be that vision or some, some likeness of it when, when the time is right. Like I'm not anxious about the time being now. I just feel like in the now I need to give myself space to be easeful and in flow.

Vimla | 19:25

Yes.

Lisa | 19:27

And I kinda am, I kind of am I just, I think I just need to like, have this expression that I've been saying since high school, since the time that I used to do Jane Fonda aerobics. I need to take it to a jog and that means slow down, not speed up. Right. Like, um, I just need to like put less stuff in the space for a little bit so that there can be flow.

Vimla | 20:02

Mm-hmm. <affirmative>,

Lisa | 20:04

I think.

Vimla | 20:05

Yeah. What if you don't change anything instead? I have another question for you. You said you already have the ease and flow and spaciousness. You already have the container.

Lisa | 20:23

Mm-hmm. <affirmative>,

Vimla | 20:24

What's that container?

Lisa | 20:27

The container right now is the time.

Vimla | 20:30

Mm-hmm. <affirmative>.

Lisa | 20:32

It's sort of like the, the thing that's in the way of having those three elements be like perceived by me is, um, this sort of anxiousness, <laugh>, you know, this anxiousness that, um, it's like these two parts of me are, are struggling with each other. Right. There's a part of me that you just heard that says like, don't worry, like you got a nice runway. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you know, you set yourself up for this, there's time you will arrive, we're exactly where you need to be. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> and there's this other voice or this other part of me that's like, hurry up, be present, <laugh>, you know, relax, don't doom a whole lot. You know, like, um, get into the o let the answers come. Get the answers. Yeah. And then get in that space. It's like, I'm, I'm, there's other voice that wants to hurry that bit along. <laugh>.

Vimla | 21:43

Yeah. I, let's name these two voices, the voice that wants to hurry things. Let's give it a name.

Lisa | 21:49

Speedy Gonzalez <laugh>.

Vimla | 21:52

Okay. And what's the name for the other voice?

Lisa | 21:56

Buddha.

Vimla | 21:58

Mm. Okay. So let's talk to the Buddha for a few minutes.

Lisa | 22:04

Mm-hmm. <affirmative>,

Vimla | 22:06

Where are you next year at this time? A year has passed and now we are talking to the Buddha.

Lisa | 22:13

Yeah. I have to wait because the Buddha is just giggling. He's having a good time. <laugh>. He's like, oh, you want an answer outta me? Hold on a second. I was just busy enjoying myself.

Vimla | 22:24

<laugh>.

Lisa | 22:29

Yeah. It's like he's laughing being like, what is your problem? <laugh> like, like <laugh>, you know, you know you're going to get there. So can I tell you a joke?

Vimla | 22:43

<laugh>,

Lisa | 22:44

You know, it's like he wants to get me present and, uh, and enjoying.

Vimla | 22:54

Mm.

Lisa | 22:56

Like right now he's like, just put, you know, it's kind of like, doesn't even have time to, to do anything else other than that.

Vimla | 23:06

Yeah. So still staying with the Buddha, be enjoying, but how would you enjoy

Lisa | 23:17

<laugh>? Oh, I mean, part of it is just waking up and realizing like, Hey, I get to choose anything I wanna do today and I cannot mess up. Like there's no wrong choice right now

Vimla | 23:34

Mm-hmm.

Lisa | 23:34

<affirmative> and like really believing that. Right.

Vimla | 23:37

So how can you really believe that?

Lisa | 23:43

Well, part of it is not listening to Speedy Gonzalez <laugh>. Right? Like, speedy Gonzalez's message is like, no, you can screw up if you don't get, if you don't do the right things, you're not gonna get there.

Vimla | 23:58

Yes. So how are you going to not listen to Speedy Gonzales? Okay.

Lisa | 24:12

I mean, I guess part of it is just choice <laugh>. It's just recognizing that, you know, if I'm, if I'm feeling anything less than ease flow space, if I'm feeling any kind of anxiety about my choice of how to spend my time in these particular days, that it's probably speedy that is polluting the, you know, he's, he's peeing in the pool

Vimla | 24:42

<laugh>. So once you recognize Speedy, what are you gonna do about it?

Lisa | 24:51

I think it's sort of like, you know, we could be talking vima about like saboteur or mm-hmm. <affirmative> energy. Right. Which is just to say, all right, I see you, I got you. Like and flip my energy to the Buddha.

Vimla | 25:13

Mm. Loved it that. Yeah. What I'm also hearing is that you'll know exactly what to do when Speedy shows up.

Lisa | 25:28

Yeah, I think so. I think it's just, um, I think it's just a matter of realizing that, um, he's got the mic

Vimla | 25:39

<laugh> <laugh>. Yep. And what I'm also hearing is that you are a choice to give the mic to Speedy or not.

Lisa | 25:52

Yeah. And I feel like, just to be clear, I feel like that is, that's sort of a metaphor, giving the mic to speedy for lots of different choices, such as like listening to the news at certain times. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, because I'm sort of aware of like, when I hear things about like economic news or whatever, I start to go into like this scarce thinking, <laugh>, <laugh>, um, which definitely hands the mic to Speedy.

Vimla | 26:34

Yeah. It's a speedy trigger.

Lisa | 26:36

Oh God. Yeah. It's basically, yeah. And like, I guess I could, could go on and on, but it, for me it's about being aware of the things that sort of switch on the mic.

Vimla | 26:51

Yeah, absolutely.

Lisa | 26:53

And avoiding those or you know, like choosing my time with those things wisely.

Vimla | 26:59

Yes, absolutely. So we are almost at the end of our time today. Um, so would you be willing to take on as homework to make a list of the things that trigger speedy?

Lisa | 27:20

I'm thinking about that very consciously, because I don't really wanna put a lot of energy to it that a way that I could do that without putting a lot of energy towards it is just noting it when it happens.

Vimla | 27:36

Yeah.

Lisa | 27:37

And at the end, you know, the way things have been going at the end of any particular week, I should have quite a few things on the list. <laugh>.

Vimla | 27:47

I love that. That's awesome. So is this a good place to end the coaching for today?

Lisa | 27:57

I think so. I think what I've arrived at is like understanding this sort of programming <laugh>, um, that is getting in the way of me really using this time the way I had intended and, um, re really relaxing into it the way that I, that that is the gift of, of it <laugh>. And, um, I don't wanna get to the end of that, of this time whenever that happens to be. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> letting you know, some invisible force keep me from, from this time.

Vimla | 28:51

I love that it sounds like you just made a commitment to yourself,

Lisa | 28:59

<laugh>.

Lisa | 29:04

It's definitely an intention. And I love, there's probably some metaphor, um, about how there's a chainsaw that's just started up in my

Vimla | 29:15

Background

Lisa | 29:16

Sound here. It's like, and cut.

Vimla | 29:20

<laugh>. Yep. Yep. All right, so let's end the coaching portion of the call.

Lisa | 29:28

Okay. Beautiful. Thank you

Vimla | 29:31

Lisa. It's been a few weeks since our coaching session and I'm curious, how was your experience as the client?

Lisa | 29:41

So one thing that becomes clear a few weeks out from this session is that as the person who was coached <laugh>, there's so much opportunity that becomes available to me as the coachee from having a session like the one that I had. The first is an opportunity to seek clearly what I was actually doing, how I was actually using my toolbox in a way that wasn't supporting me. And to speak very specifically, I was following the directions of my saboteurs or my critics as we call them, in coaching the voice that isn't the voice that I really wanna follow <laugh>. And that voice was drowning out sort of my more wise, more sage, uh, voice. And so when I didn't actually realize that that's what was happening, and so this session really helped me see that. Now that is not a new experience for me, but I'm so grateful that I got to see that that's what was keeping me, um, imprisoned, if you will.

Lisa | 30:50

That might be a little dramatic, but it was what's keeping me in place at the time. The other thing is that it gave me an opportunity to learn more about myself, to, to see how, um, operational this pattern is with me. Um, and knowing myself more in this way is really, really helpful to me. And then another thing is, it's just another opportunity for me to practice a skill that I'm working on as a human in this life. And that is self-compassion. It's a place I'm patterned to go, and does it really serve me to beat myself up when I arrive there? I know the answer for me is no. So giving myself an opportunity to see I was there and practice that self-compassion is really, really helpful. So as a client, um, these are all of the things that are possible for me to take from this session. And those are just the ones I actually named. There are many more that I haven't named. What was your experience, um, including what skills were you using?

Vimla | 32:00

I think the most important skills were, um, listening, deep, intuitive listening and reflection. Reflecting back what I was listening, there was also one more thing that, uh, was happening in that, in that time I was also trying to match the base of the topic. The topic was slowing down and I was trying to just go slow in my questions, in my reflections so that we could, both of us could slow down and you could see what you needed to see.

Lisa | 32:39

Hmm. If these things are things that you're up to in your life or sound like things that you might want, um, in your life journey, working with a coach could be helpful to you. And if you are a human that wants to support other humans in that type of work, then um, becoming a coach, um, could be interesting to you. What else would you add? Vimla?

Vimla | 33:11

I would add that, um, if you want to get coached, reach out to us.

Lisa | 33:16

Hey, thanks so much for listening. This is the first podcast of Coaching Confidential, and we're curious what came up for you as you're listening and what comes up for you now. We'd love to hear from coaches and non coaches, so please visit dub dub dub your vital self.com/coaching confidential to learn more, to share your feedback with us and to claim your special gift. There'll be a hyperlink in the show notes as well. Thanks.